The First College Break

Checking in with your freshman means asking the right questions

Just a few weeks ago, you were seeing your child off to college. Now he or she is home for the holidays. You’re dying to find out what’s going on—with grades, health, the social scene—but you don’t want to shut down the conversation by asking too many prying questions.

You’ll have the best chance to connect with your child if you recognize that college is a time of big changes, says nurse practitioner Brynnmarie Dorsey, C.R.N.P., director of health services at Muhlenberg College in Allentown. From now on, you need to start relating to your son or daughter as an independent young adult.

“Kids open up when questions are asked nonjudgmentally in a nonpersonal, nonaccusatory way,” says adolescent medicine specialist Jonathan Pletcher, M.D., of Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network. “Find a relaxed time to talk. Describe your own college experiences, or how you’ve adjusted since they left. It’s a me-first approach: ‘Here’s what I’ve experienced. Now tell me what you’re going through.’”

Go for open-ended questions like these:

Health: Are you finding time to swim, run, etc., like you used to? What’s the food like?

Studies: Where do you like to study? What are your favorite classes and professors?

Social life: What clubs have you joined? What do you and your friends enjoy doing?

College can be an exciting time of new freedoms and friendships. Most freshmen adapt quickly, but not all. “The first six weeks are a ‘red zone,’ ” Dorsey says. “This is the time to watch for clues that your child isn’t adjusting well.”

First-year college students can suffer from depression, homesickness or other problems that can have serious consequences such as an eating disorder, a medical condition like mononucleosis, or drug or alcohol abuse. Be alert for:

• Sudden, dramatic mood changes (for example, a formerly happy, energetic student who’s now withdrawn and sullen)
• Complaints about boredom
• Spending a lot of time alone (either in the dorm or at home during break)
• Changed sleeping patterns
• Extreme weight loss or gain (above or below the 7-8 pounds most freshmen gain)
• Frequent visits to the health center (a possible cry for emotional help)

If you notice any of these signs, call the college to arrange for counseling or other support.

Even youngsters who breeze into college life may experience some turbulence along the way. When they come home, instead of zeroing in on grades or specific body changes, try to focus on the big picture, Dorsey says: “Reward accomplishments and offer praise, but don’t expect perfection. Let your child relax and have fun with the family.”

Want to Know More about helping your children, including those with diabetes, adjust to college? Call 610-402-CARE, or visit the following websites:
• CollegeBoard
• American College Health Association

Published from Healthy You Magazine, November-December 2007

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